Our weekdays are much like any other working Mom's. The alarm goes off, always too soon. I lay there, knowing I need to get up and into the shower. I turn on cartoons, have the volume low enough not to wake the sleeping 4 year old - but I have also learned he is content if he wakes-up to Mickey Mouse if I am not next to him, otherwise he is sent into a panic. He gets breakfast delivered in bed. It has been this way since we moved back to Illinois. I had to learn how to accomodate a little one, while trying to get ready at the same time. A TV and a cozy bed was the ticket, so it has become our normal. I try to let him relax as long as possible until I have to slip him out of his PJ's and into suitable clothes. His hair is never brushed - He almost always has sleepy-head hair.
For the past year, I have had Mondays off my 9-5 job. Mondays have become Mommy and Brayden days. I don't usually schedule anything - just time for us to be together. I have cherished those days. A few weeks ago, we spent our Monday doing some errands - getting his haircut, picking up dry cleaning, stocking up on groceries - with a final trip to McDonalds for lunch. I cried throughout the entire day. It started in the morning - awake from another sleepless night, I just watched him. I watched as the sun started to peek through the curtains. And, I realized we don't have too many of these Mondays left. He is becoming a brother, and I am becoming a Mom of two - and one of them is a girl, which is totally weird for me, exciting but totally foreign.
Life is going to change.
So, on this special Monday - that Brayden thought was pretty typical, I cherished. I watched his every move - every expression. I listened intently to his stories and answered all of his questions with enthusiam and foundness of who he was on this Monday. It left me feeling sad, like I am taking something from him.
When I found out I was pregnant, there is an initial excitement - my mind becomes filled with all of the wonder and awe that babies bring. The sheer amazement of growing a human being is nothing short of a miracle, literally. Almost immediately, my mind turns to sympathy - poor Brayden. He is going to be so lost. He has always been his Mama's little man - just me and him. We both have found security with eachother. I'm scared. How will I balance, love, and care for two little ones - how will my learning affect him, affect us? Somedays I think to myself, " I got this - I can do this - no problem." Then other days, I wonder how I even have made it this far with Brayden.
I spent the next several Mondays taking pictures. I got out the camera that I typically only get paid to use. I hate that. With the number of hours I spend snapping away and editing for others, I spend very little time capturing our special moments on anything but my cell phone. I want to remember our last few Monday's as just Mommy and Brayden. I worry less about the laundry and the house and we spend time doing things. We play Superheros, in which I always have to be the bad guy. We play dinosaurs, in which I always have to be the one that gets eaten. We play with the playdough and coloring books - I usually spend more time getting everything out and putting it away then we do playing. We make cookies, cupcakes, brownies, and banana bread. None of which hold his attention for very long, and I seem to be the only one in the house that will eat them.
But, he loves it.
I love it more.
This Monday, (unless baby girl decides to come on her own) will be our last Mommy & Brayden Monday.
I don't think I am ready....
But then again, are we ever?
So, I am just going to enjoy it now - and learn as I go. Brayden and I will find the balance. I will learn how to be the "Mommy of two" and he a big brother :)
He's gonna be great!