pin the tail on the donkey

How does the game go? ... It has been years since I have done this but I think it looks something like this:

• Person puts blind fold on
• Person gets spun around a dozen or so times 
• Person is given a donkey tail with a pin attached
• Person tries to fumble their way to the target, the donkey's behind

Sound familiar?  It should.  It sounds like life to me. I feel like that is what my life resembles sometimes. I fumble around not knowing where I am going.  But, I know what my target is - I just need to feel around until I make it there.  The interesting part is the crowd that surrounds you.  In the game of pin the tail on the donkey - you have those in the crowd that do 1 of 3 things: Encourage you, Mislead you, or do nothing.  Again, seems a lot like life too.  There are the few who encourage and try to point you in the right direction.  And, no matter how far you get from the donkeys behind, they keep leading you back in the right direction.  I have those.  The few in the crowd. They support and encourage.  But, most importantly they hope and have faith that I will find my way to that target.  I may not get it right on, but trying and aiming is better then never playing the game. 

I am going to play with a smile and give it what I've got - even if I sometimes look like the donkey's behind ;)

Sharing my bed

This is what I wake up to on most mornings: 

We had this co sleeping thing kicked but...  when little ones get sick, snuggling is what they want.  LB has had a rough few months.  Nothing serious, thank the Lord, but with this weather and daycare comes lots of germs... and with that sleepless nights. 

I (we - his dad too) have been trying to get him back into his bed and sleeping independently.  I love it when I get a good nights sleep - and I love that he seems refreshed when he sleeps on his own.  I am a restless sleeper so I know my tossing and turning wakes him and he doesn't sleep as well as he could if he were alone.  BUT, I have that ache deep down that really doesn't mind that he is with me.  I get to wake up to this squishy little face!  I get ready in the morning before I wake him.  When it is his time to wake up - I kiss on his belly, cheeks, neck, feet...  And, he will smile, eyes still closed he will usually laugh and say "No Mama!"... and sometimes he means it...  really, don't touch me - I am asleep! This morning he said "No, stay".  He was communicating that he didn't want to get out of bed - and that point was emphasized even greater when I sadly turned down his request for a donut. 

It is a little bit of a conundrum...  This co sleeping / independently sleeping topic.  I want to do right by him - and by myself too but then I think well, he is only little for so long and I should embrace it as long as he is happy to snuggle up with me but, I like my peaceful sleep too!  What to do?  I guess time will tell.  Until then, I will sleep when I can - and snuggle up when I can't. 

A baby will...

A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living ~ unknown

I love doing belly pictures!  It takes me back to one of the most incredible times in my life.  I loved being pregnant!  And, pregnant women have to be the most beautiful thing on the planet.  They turn heads every where they go and inspire people to come up and rub the belly (even though some find that horribly irritating - I am one of those strange belly rubbers)!  Being pregnant signifies one of the biggest shifts in a persons (a couples) life.   It is maybe the only time in life that you create, grow, and support a living miracle - A screaming, pooping, spitting up miracle! :)  Parents quickly realize that things they may have found to be disgusting before they now have an extremely high tolerance for.  Love does that.  

Here is Ali.

And here is Ali's bump.  

Cute and perfect.  We had a lot of fun.  I love every opportunity to talk pregnancy and bellies!  Did I already say I loved being pregnant??  I become flooded with wonderful memories of pregnancy and labor with LB (yes, I enjoyed my labor too).  It is hard to believe in a few short weeks a baby will be here, and the belly will be gone (tear).  I know everyone is excited to meet this new baby....  and find out if it is a little boy or girl! Look in the Gallery for all of Ali's belly pictures!  

 Ali, thank you for the opportunity to photograph this time in your life.  Here is some advice that I try to live by.  Some days are harder than others but,  it is true, they grow up right before your eyes.  It really is simple.  Just have fun! 

"Be there. Say yes as often as you can. Let them (and encourage them) to bang on pots and pans. If they're crabby put them in water. Read books out loud with joy. Go find elephants and kiss them (in our case it is dinosaurs). Encourage silly. Giggle alot. Remember how small they really are. Search out the positive. Keep the gleam in your eye. Teach feelings. Go see a movie in your pj's. Realize how important it is to be a child. Plan to build a rocket ship (and fort).  Stop yelling. Invent pleasures together. Surprise them. Express your love. Alot. Children are miraculous." ~ SARK

Meeting Ashley

I had the privilege of taking Ashley's senior portraits this weekend.  Isn't she lovely!

We had a lot of fun :)  And, we even got an impromptu tour of the local Museum by the sweetest gentleman.  He, who has been married for 58 years, still referred to his wife as his lovely bride.  With that, he also gave some advice for a long and healthy marriage.   He said with an ear to ear grin, "...it is hard sometimes... actually, no it isn't!  The truth is, we are friends.  That's the secret.  Be great friends." That made me smile - inside and out.  He gave us lots of information about the city, where the name came from and some of the past businesses and buildings that have long since past.  Who knew?! 

We went to multiple locations - and they all turned out really wonderful.  I really had to limit the number of pictures I posted - there were so many beautiful ones to choose from!  She made it easy with a face like hers! We had to combate alittle wind but it added a little something to the pictures as well.  Check out more of Ashley's senior pictures in the Gallery. 

pockets full of pebbles

Pockets full of pebbles, Bear hugs and worn out knees.  Cookie crumbs & kisses, my Boy is made of these.

Found this sign today on Pintrest...  it is a new must!  How perfect for my little man.  

Here are a few pictures from the last couple of days...  He makes my heart melt.

 

I have a lot going on this weekend.  Two photo sessions - and I am super excited!!  Can't wait to finally get outside! Beautiful day + Beautiful People = Beautiful Pictures! Win, Win, Win!!

Also, I have more projects on my plate then I even know what to do with!  I am working on my time management skills...  trying to do multiple projects at one time.  It will look something like this:

• paint dresser
• paint doors
• sand headboard
• wax footboard
• wax chair
• recover seat for chair #1
• recover chair #2
• sand dresser
• paint doors, again
• attach seat to chair #1
• wax dresser
• wax headboard
• sand doors
• wax doors

... or something like that :)

Hopefully I have a lot to reveal on Monday! 

I hope you all enjoy this weekend! It should be beautiful! 

Little Brother Birthday

Nick and Brayden Easter '10Well, I already did my sentimental post about my little brother growing up a few weeks ago while working on his Senior Portraits.  But today is the official day, 18 years ago Nicholas James Knute was born...  a big bundle of joy... and I mean big bundle...  all 10lbs 4 oz of him! 

Happy 18th Birthday to the baby of the family! Thank you for keeping us all young for a little longer.  We are all excited to see what a wonderful life you will create! 

To read more about Nick - read onto "Always 8..."

To look at the first session of Nick's Senior pictures click here

Kony2012: Be the change

'Be the change you hope to see in the world' - Gandhi

I was going to post some pictures of LB that I took yesterday during our beautiful 'spring' day play but I was moved to post something different. Appropriate.  I was going to share special moments in my sons life not even thinking twice that there are children out there without that same innocence to experience. It is all over Facebook.  I saw it this morning but didn't pay much attention until I saw post after post after post.  I decided it was something that I should check out.  I encourage everyone to watch, share, and support this cause.  

I was saddened to hear when it was first requested to our government to help - we did nothing.  It didn't serve 'our own interest.'  I am disgusted at the impact this man has had on the world.  But I am inspired by what we can do if we take action.  Our children are our future.  If we don't protect them, what does that mean for the worlds survival?  

Here are the links: 

Facebook - Invisible Children

Website - www.invisiblechildren.com Sign and Support.  I bought my kit! 

Youtube - Kony2012

Be the change. 

... and the video {have tissues close by}

I figured it out!  Not so hard! ;)  

The video from looking back {and moving forward}

looking back {and moving forward}

Look at those eyes! It's hard, ya know, looking back.  It's hard to think of the years that have gone past. I accidentally stumbled on a movie I made for LB for his birthday.  I was at work and was trying to watch a video about arch welding (exciting stuff)! But, for some reason, the Lord decided I needed to stop for a minute and have some reflection time.  And, he was right.  Brayden and I have tough days...  which I am sure is completely normal.  He's 2 - enough said!  He spends most days learning what his limits are.  Be it, giving his independence a try or to see how far he can push his mama's patience.  I often stop myself and say out loud to him,"You are lucky you're cute!"   We have been getting along so wonderfully, lately.  He is still a stinker but we are both so happy.  This video - I will post if I can figure out how - It covers ultrasound pictures, belly bump (really big belly bumps) to tiny baby, to not so tiny baby, to toddler.  All I can do is ask myself, "When did all of this happen?  Where did my baby go?"  Each passing day has me holding for dear life onto that little boy.  I ask him daily if he can please just stop where he is at.  I have been asking him since he was just a bump in my belly, "I will NEVER ask for anything from you in my entire life if you can just do one thing for me.  Please, don't grow up.  Stay perfect and tiny and with your mom FOREVER!"  

It reminds me of a story I heard.  A lady I worked with was visiting her daughters collage campus.  The daughter said to her mom' "I think I want to live on campus, instead of commute."  Then mom looks at her daughter nodding in agreement.  "That's fine.  Let's talk to your dad and start looking at 2 bedroom apartments."  Daughter looks at her mom, confused.  "Two bedroom?"  Mom saying profoundly, "well yes. There has to be enough room for the both of us!"  B and I will be having that same discussion some day.  Where ever he goes, I will just go too! I can't wait to see how that works out! 

So. As much as I ache, long, cry, beg, plead for him to stay little.  I know deep down I am just as excited to see all of the things he will do.  And, with each new event in his life I will pray for a freeze frame hoping to hold onto that moment for just a little longer.  Those times in my life will keep me looking back at how far we have come and what a blessed life we have.  How truly fortunate we are to have eachother and our family.  We will keep moving forward with a semi-reluctant smile and looking back with tears in our eyes.  

bad day turned WONDERFUL!

Even after what seemed to be miserable day ....  it turned around by 5 pm!  Look at those faces!  It left me thinking....

'what was I mad about again?...' 

Here's to the bad days made wonderful by fun sized smiles! 

...having a bad day...

I am having a bad day...  boo.

I try to usually only post happy, encouraging - if you fall down brush your self off and get back up kinda blogs.  Today, I don't feel like it.  

I did turn to good ol' faithful Marc and Angel to help me look at the brighter side.  It helped.  But, for the reasons I am not so happy today aren't going away because I read some encouraging words.  They will still be there.  And, there is still no immediate solution....  there are choices - none of which I like but sometimes the hard stuff requires actions, even if they are unfavorable.  

I flipped through my 'little book of quotes' that sits on my desk.  It's a good thing it isn't a calendar... because I keep flipping until I find the one that fits me for the day.  I had to go through  a lot to get one for today... but there was one:

'Every flower that blooms has to go through a whole lot of dirt'

Appropriate.

So, here is to the necessary bad days.  For with them, they make the good ones sunnier. Hopefully, tomorrow the sun is shining (figuratively and literally). 

All you've got

All You've got is all you can give and that will always be enough.

I made a few small changes to my website - nothing major but I always think it is exciting when I make a change....  and when I figure it out on my own (with only a few curse words).  Check them out - I added some information / quick clicks on the sides.  It fills up some space and adds a few pictures for color as well.

I used a picture that was taken last Easter.  Gosh, I just can't even believe that time has gone by so fast. It's scary really.  Just sitting here thinking about what Brayden was like and what he was doing...  It is hard for me to remember.  Then, I get disappointed.  Why didn't I take more videos?  Why didn't I snap more pictures? Why didn't I take the time to write it down?  I think to myself, I will never forget this.  But, then every day that goes by something else amazing happens and it pushes the other memories further and further back making it harder to retrieve.  I also realized, gulp...  I haven't taken as many pictures of LB since I started these other projects.  That makes me sad too.  I need to do better... and that's ok.  This whole business about living...  that's really what it is about.  Live = Learn... and it is always enough.  There may not be as many pictures, but we still have the time together and that's what matters most.

Life & Learning {What really matters}

We have all done it.  Mumbled impatiently under our breath when someone is waiting on us and doesn't go the speed that we would like them to.  Cursed at the person that is driving to slow (even though it is probably the speed limit).  Rolled our eyes at the coworker that seems distracted, uninterested, and unmotivated.  We don't know their story.  People can look healthy on the outside. Mentally.  Physically.  Emotionally.  Everyone has a struggle.  Everyone has life defining moments.  Times in their life that changes them forever. Some for the better, some... not so much.  Everyone has their own story.  For that person, it is their world and the rest of us are just background. just noise.  If we each paid alittle closer attention we might recognize that our interactions with others really matter.  If we only knew the struggles someone has behind their own closed doors, we may speak softer and smile sweater.  Not only with our mouths but with our eyes and heart as well.  It is amazing what eye contact and a genuine smile can do for someone's day. 

For the past 6 months I have been struggling.  I was having numbness and tingling in my arms and legs.  That is some pretty scary stuff.  I am a hypochondriac, but this feeling really freaked me out.  It went on for 4 months and I kept silently suspecting the worst.  I finally went to the doctor - Blood work was normal.  B12 for a month and see what happens.  Another month and nothing changed - it actually progressively got worse.  I got to add extreme muscle twitching to my list of symptoms.  Back to the doctor.  She gave me a referral to a Neurologist.  More waiting.  More worrying. 

I finally get to the Neurologist and we discussed my symptoms.  He mentioned what I had been suspecting...  torturing myself with for months.  MS.  Multiple Sclerosis.  Demylination.  Brain lesions.  Unfortunately, I was familiar with the disease. We would do an MRI of the brain to confirm or rule out.  I waited and worried.  Those next 5 days seemed like a lifetime.  I went into the MRI very comfortable.  I was excited to see my brain.  I may seem like a total nerd - but the study of the brain fascinates me.  If I could be anything not limited by money (or brain capacity) I would be a Neuro Surgeon.  I love it.  Also, I thought that through the research I had done online, I would be able to read my own MRI.  They were giving me the files right after so I thought I could confirm / rule it out all on my own and the 2 weeks I had to wait to see my neurologist wouldn't matter.  Well.  I learned 2 things.  1. I am not a radiologist.  2. There was no way I could wait.  Curiosity kills the cat...  and that is exactly what it was doing to me.  I poured over these MRI scans searching, for hours.  All I saw was a healthy brain.  If it was healthy then WHY did I feel this way? Everything I did while waiting for the answers felt like slow motion.  I felt like I was standing there watching the world pass by.  Everyone went about their everyday and mine had stopped.  All I could think about is Brayden.  What did that mean for him?  It helped me to see what really mattered more clearly.  Who and what should be allowed to impact my life. 

So, I stalked my Neurologist. He was taking appointments at another office and I was able to get in.  He confirmed, in fact, my brain was perfectly healthy.  No MS. Wow.  I felt as though everything seamed lighter but only briefly.  My elation was brought back to reality with the silent constant reminder, the numbness and muscle twitches.  What is it?  So, another MRI was scheduled for my cervical spine.  MS can be in the spine and not in the brain - only about 10% of the time but it needed to be ruled out.  So, I scheduled the imaging and waited.  I did my scan and told myself I would not look at the images. I did really well for 2 days.  Then the day before my neuro follow up I couldn't take it any more.  I once again gave my radiology skills a try.  I even looked it up on YouTube.  And YES, they do have videos on how to read your MRI's.  So, I studied them closely.  My spine looked clean and healthly.  I was convinced there was no MS.  So, I breathed a sigh of relief.  However, I noticed something not right - but, I knew I had to wait for my appointment.  I put my images away until my appointment.  I arrived on time - but had to wait 2 hours... the longest 2 hours...  I was having a major flare up in my leg.  It hurt to sit.  It hurt to stand.  And, I was to nervous to do either.  My wonderful Mom came with me to both appointments.  I typically like to do things by myself. But, it was great having her there.  She helped pass the time and calm my nerves.  

Cervical Spine Scan - Feb '12The neurologist walks in. "It isn't MS.  Your spinal cord looks healthy.  However, (longest pause ever)...  You do have a bulge."  A bulge??  Is that a medical term?  He points to a spot on C5.  My disc is bulging and putting pressure on my spin.  Not typical for someone my age but no real concerns.  It shouldn't get worse for many, many years - as long as I live a healthy life style.  Don't get in a car accident.  No heavy lifting.  Focus on proper posture.  Take your vitamins. Stretch.  At that moment I exhaled  (for the first time in months) - and, I think my mom did too.  

So, this means a couple things:

1) I now have an excuse forever to get out of lifting anything that is 'heavy'.  Heavy is a subjective term...  lucky me! ;)

2) I am strong but, 

3) it feels good to have someone with you to share in the worry.

4) I now have proof that I have a brain in my head ;) - This eliminates me from any more blonde jokes!

5) I am lucky to have family and friends that worried with me and prayed for me.  It matters.

6) I look at others with a greater awareness of individual struggles.

7) I am so blessed to be healthy - and have a healthy family as well.

So, the next time you are getting frustrated with the person waiting on you or working with you - keep in mind that you don't know their story.  If you did, would you treat them differently? Would you smile more kindly?  Maybe give them an encouraging glance that lets them know that they are strong?  

I was searching for a powerful quote to put here.  I have one in my head - but I can't remeber it exactly and I couldn't find it.  BUT, I stumbled on this: Life's Little Instruction Book.  Happy reading!

Recognizing the 'lasts'?

This post may seem completely random and totally unorganized but I had a few experiences/ thoughts I wanted to share.

Random Experience #1:  Last night, a group of us celebrated my nieces birthday.  We all went to this indoor jump / bounce place. It has all of those big blown up slides for the kids to play on....  there were 3 rooms full!  So, all 5 kids totally scattered! They had so much fun... and to be honest, us adults had a lot of fun too.  Not only watching the kids play but participating in the play too! :)  What a great work out and a wonderful way to spend a Thursday night!

Random Experience #2:  So, this morning LB decided he wanted to spend the day with Grandpa.  He had a little cough so I thought it was a good idea for him to get some rest.  He usually clings to me, especially in the morning. However, I have been noticing lately some detachment... dare I say... independence?  It makes my heart hurt feeling the slipping away of that little boy. But, at the very same moment I smile (through the tears) with so much pride.  I see this is a recurring theme as a parent.  It hurts to let go but there is so much enthusiasm for the next step.  It is exciting to watch them learn and grow and experience the joys of life.  LB now insists on getting into the bathtub on his own...  He attempts every chance he gets to go up and down the stairs on his own.  He is always telling me "Nee Nee do it" (Nee Nee is how he says his name...  Nee Nee and Brayden don't sound anything alike but I swear it is the cutest thing).  This morning he was beaming with independence.  He said "Mommygotowork?" (and he says it so fast - like an auctioneer).  But then he did 2 firsts.  They had me gasping for air.  He said "kisses!" and pointed to his lips.  So, we smooched...  like a million times because I thought it was so adorable.  Then he said "hug? See you soon! Love you!"  My heart ached...  It literally hurt from so much love and joy I thought it would burst.  

B and I - Outer Banks '10Thinking about all of the new firsts makes me sad about all of his 'lasts.'  Will I recognize them before they are gone forever?...   

#3 Random thought: I have had this quote sitting on my desk all week...  I haven't wanted to change it (I peeked at the next one it is good too but this one applies - I will keep it there for a while).  It says: The best way out is always through.  How true. 

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed weekend!  I am excited for what my Monday / Tuesday post will be...  I still don't know what it will be about yet - maybe a fun weekend with LB.  Maybe another furniture make over or the purchase of some new items... maybe all of the above! ;) 

~xo~

The not-so-terrible two's

Another day, another birthday... but not just any birthday.  Today is the 2nd birthday of my sweet niece, Maxine Lou.  

I have learned that children can be angels - as long as their parents aren't around.  Which, is usually the case with my nieces and nephews - LB included.  However, it is hard for me to ever picture this angelic face ever act out!  She is always so sweet. 

Her and I have a special bond - at least I think so.  In order to save on daycare costs and to have our trusted family watch our kids my sister, brother-in- law, and I did a lot of trading.  All 3 of us had different work schedules so odds were one of us was always off.  So, I was blessed to have this sweet girl in my house 2 or 3 days a week and LB would go over to their house a couple days a week as well. So, we all became very close.  I have to admit, it wasn't a fair trade.  LB can be a stinker AND he had total mom attachment issues.  So I think he was a lot to take on.  Which, was not the case with Max.  

Maxine is happy.  She is alittle like a chameleon.  She can blend in anywhere and be completely content. LB, Max, and I would have so much fun.  We would walk to the park, swim, dance, play at the farm, ect. It gave LB a sense of what it was like to have a sibling - which was good.  It pushed him to have to share both toys and his mommy.  That, of course, always went smoothly and there was never any hitting, screaming, or crying... ever ;)  Maxine was there when LB said his first word.  We were around to see Max go from crawling to walking to running.  I got to know my adorable niece and also got to know my sister and brother-in-law on a different level as well.  They are great parents.  They have a real partnership.  And, even though I am the older sister, they have been teaching me.  I see what they have and I have set my standards higher because of it. They may not see it everyday in each other, but to us looking in - what they have is unique and special.  Maxine (and now a new little brother too) are blessed for experiencing something so beautiful. 

Here's to the not-so-terrible two's.  Stay just as you are.  Happy Birthday we all love you!  

To see more photos of Maxine's big blue eyes and beautiful smile click here, here, here, and here.

Always 8...

...that smile...So, this post is a few weeks early.  He doesn't turn 18 until March.  However, I took some of his Senior pictures yesterday and it made me sad... :(

My little brother Nick is the baby of the family.  We are 11 years apart so, myself and the other older siblings helped a lot.  There were so many of us that our household was always a team effort.  

I would always make Nick hold my hand.  If we were walking to Sunday school after church, to the park, through a parking lot, ect.  He would always argue with me but he would eventually give in and listen. For some reason, I have always had the hardest time remembering his age.  To me, Nick was always 8. It was the age that was ingrained into my brain.  Each year was another birthday and another year further from 8.  It became my joke with him every birthday, "How old are you again, 8?"   I think that is when he really came into his own.  He started being intentionally sneaky but also developed a strong work ethic (yes, at 8).  

Nick is a stinker.  He is sensitive and stubborn and a self proclaimed Mama's boy - and proud of it! He has this smile - a smile that always says "I am up to something." And bets are, he usually is.  He had to survive a household of women ( Dad and Nathan were usually working outside).  I attribute that to his sensitive nature, and he will probably be mad at me for posting that but, it is one of my favorite traits about him.  I believe it will make him a wonderful husband / partner someday. 

You add a spark of life to our family, always have.  When we watch you graduate, there wont be a dry eye in the family.  We are proud of you.   Whatever you do, it is going to be great. We love you.  And, no matter how many days and years go by I will always see the 8 year old in you.

Check out the first session of Nick's Senior picturess here!

Beautifully Rooted: Uprooted for Good.

This was too good not to share.  Within the first few sentences I started to cry.

Beautifully Rooted: Uprooted for Good.

"A world to be born under your footsteps..."

"A world to be born under your footsteps..." ~Saint-John Perse

Just 2 weeks new, in all of her grace and glory.  Meet baby G!  She made taking pictures of her so easy and fun.  To be honest - It is hard to limit the number of pictures I post of her, each one is beautiful.  

Check out all of her newborn pictures here.

The Apple far from the tree...

You know the saying ' the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...'  Well, in the case of my sweet niece the apple does fall far from the tree...   I would swear that she is my daughter :)  She has a sweat angelic disposition, just like her mom - but, she also has a spark of her Aunt Moo (yes, that is my nickname - story for another time).  That spark is a little sassy and a little feisty.  Her mom, my sister, is very calm and kind and I have heard her described as one of the nicest people on the planet (actually, I have heard that from 2 people - so, there must be some truth to it).  When I was little, my family use to call me little Auga.  Auga was my Grandpa's sister.  Let me tell you, I met her when I was a little older, and I could definitely see the personality resemblance between Auga and I.  She was as sweet as pie - but, she came with a punch! I have always taken pride in that nickname.   I quickly learned when my little niece was walking and talking that it was time to pass the torch.  

Now, my little apple of a niece is not all sass.  She is as thoughtful and considerate as she is beautiful. She is already a worrier and wants to be sure you always leave her house with food and as happy as possible. She is as smart as a whip and very inquisitive.  I love her girlie tendencies (very different from my 'all boy').  She is Mama's little helper and Daddy's little girl.  

I am intrigued as to what she will be when she grows up - however, she can take her time.  We like just as she is.  Our sweet, feisty little Auga.  We all love you to pieces! Happy Birthday Sweetie! 

... in these shoes....

I love these - Overstock.com... I love shoes.  Really.  I think if there is anything I am mildly obsessed over it would definitely be shoes.  I love to think about what my shoe closet would  will look like when I have this beautiful organized closet full of b.e.a -utiful shoes!  Strappy ones, shiny ones, flats and boots... and you can not leave out adorable little sandals...  but I have a soft spot for high pointy heels.  My toes are formed to a point because it doesn't matter how painful, I will suffer through it to wear my cute heels. I have to stop myself from buying so many...  I stop and think, where would I wear these?  I don't go out.  I don't get dressed up.  Not anymore.  I wear my pj's to the store.  It's a miracle if I even shower on the weekends! (- tmi??)  

"The only challenge greater than learning to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, is learning to walk a lifetime, comfortably in your own."

I am starting to do this - learning to walk in my shoes.  I love to reference the 'lemons' in my life.  I don't mind admitting that I have made mistakes along the way and I fully embrace that I will continue to make more, and that's ok as long as I am learning.  I think, in the past I was so terrified of making the wrong decisions that it actually pushed me into making what I thought was a 'safer' choice and not what I actually wanted for my life. However, as I always say the paths that have lead me to where I am is exactly where I am supposed to be, and I am comfortable with that.  

I love reading Marc and Angel.  I think to myself, 'how did he / she come up with these brilliant words?'  It is so wise, yet so simple.  

"Life’s best lessons are usually learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  So yes, you will fail sometimes.  The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  So get out there and try!  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win."

I have become a 'do-er' lately.  I have stopped making excuses for the limitation and roadblocks.  Where there is a will there is a way - So, I keep finding a way.  And, I am going to keep doing because I have found happiness for myself in the doing.  Before, I lived for others and for their dreams that I adapted into my own.  As a mom, you naturally put your child first - and, there isn't anything wrong with that.  LB is still my first.  But, I am a close second. I have found for myself things that I really love.  Actually, I have so many things I want to do that I am having a hard time fitting them all in.  

I have about a half dozen furniture pieces waiting in the wings for a little face lift.  I am lining up my little photography sessions.  I sit and crochet at night (still not very good at it but I like it).  And, I have some secret projects that I am creating in my head.  Hopefully this summer they will come to fruition.  

So, I may not walk comfortably in my own shoes - bets are they are an uncomfortable pair of heels - but, I will do it with a smile and as gracefully as I can.