pretty cool stuff happening....

In the church parking lot - not panicking, at allLife, Love & Lemons {photography} has been really busy...  and, it doesn't appear to be slowing down any time soon.  So, that means the blog may have less personal 'stuff' and a lot more photography bragging! ;)   

We had our first Life, Love & Lemons Wedding this weekend - it was a blast - And the weather, OUTSTANDING! Chris and I got amazing shots - I can't wait to share them. The bride and groom were stunning, and the whole gang was a lot of fun.  We have our 2nd wedding in a couple of weeks and I can confidently say, we are ready!!  :)

On the party trolley (taken with the cell)

Yesterday, after a 14 hour wedding day - I wanted to do some relaxing, but had a few changes in my plans.  It involved running back to the reception hall, I had forgotten some much needed equipment (glad it was still there), dropping off rented equipment, and picking up my car that got left at the church.  I also squeezed in a super cool senior smiles session - I will do a full entry on it soon!  Here is a sneak peek: 

By the evening, John and I found time for a few cold beverages and enjoyed eating our take-out pizza by the river.  We watched the barges come through and ducks squrry as the sun went down.  It was perfect, almost.  

 Brayden made another trip to Virgina.   I feel like I am walking around in circles most of the time, always feeling like I am forgetting something.  Not having that little guy at my arms reach is hard to adjust to.  I know he is having so much fun and he will be home soon.  Until then, every morning I unconsciously turn the tv to the disney channel (172), when I had full and complete intention to put it on CMT (166).  Every. Morning.  And every time I do it, it starts my day out pretty rough...  because I miss him so much.  

Stay close by to catch all of the upcoming session posts!  

Hope you all enjoyed the beautiful weekend as much as we did! :) 

Talk soon! :)

a mother's love

‎"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."  ~ Agatha Christie

The truth about being a mom:

I love it more than anything in the world.  But, I sometimes struggle. I may, on occasion,  make up fake truths or tell partial ones to get the easy way out. Or, I embellish actions to prove significance, ... or maybe just to make a point.   I say or do things like:

"Boys have a penis.  Girls have babies"  I can't bare to say the 'v' word.  Someday, but not yet.  I don't know what I will say if I ever have a daughter.

When in doubt, I cry. Well, I pretend -   If you are being too rough or if you refuse to listen - I cry, obnoxiously.  You only care about 50% of the time.

"These cool shoes will make you as fast as Lighting McQueen!"  Last week it was my final attempt to persuade you to wear your new tennis shoes.  When it worked, you took off running and charging, just like Lighting McQueen.  I make a mental note to go straight for the favorite hero or animal for whatever particular phase you are in.  It keeps us both from nearly tears. 

"If you eat this watermelon, I will give you a cupcake"

"Ohh, you wanted a monster pancake, not a dinosaur pancake? Well. That's what this is! It's a monster.  Seriously - look at his crazy hair.  No, those are not dinosaur spikes, it is crazy monster hair!" 

I love it when you show me your muscles and tell me what a big, strong boy you are.  I smile proudly, but ache silently.  I am so blessed for a healthy child, time and God keep you growing and I love it.  But, I really wish I could hold onto this version of you.  Your innocence.  Your smile.  Your inquisitive mind.  Your smallness.  The way your hand fits in mine.  I love you growing, but I miss you little too. 

I wanted the all American family, you know, like the Cleavers.  I have cried to myself at night.  I have cried to friends.  I just want to do it right.  They say their due diligence and tell me what a good mom I am.  And my response is always the same, "I can do better.  I should be better. " 

We should eat healthier.

We should play outside more.

We should do more educational learning.

You should be potty trained by now.

You should sleep in your own bed.

I should be more patient.

The truth is, as hard as I am on myself, I know we are doing just fine.  Not based on unrealistic standards but because we have fun.  

I know because we love to read books.  You laugh that incredible child laugh when I do the animal sounds.   I act like a complete nut and you love it.  

I am conflicted about you sleeping in your own bed, because I love the way you snuggle.  And, even though I am horribly sleep deprived, I love that I get a sliver of the bed because you are sleeping sideways and your feet are sticking in my ribs.   I love to kiss your cheeks and neck to wake you up in the morning.  I love it when you smile with your eyes still closed.  

I love that you are learning respect of yourself and to have respect for others. 

I love that you are so sweet and you say things like "I just love it so much", "I just love you so much", and "Mommy has so beautiful eyes"

I know not because of my good intentions that sometimes fall short, but I know because I am your Mom and I love you.  I know because you love me.  

A mother's love is unmatched by any other. 

the optimist creed - a self promise

Promise Yourself 

*To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
*To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet
*To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
*To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
*To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
*To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
*To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
*To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
*To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
*To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

~Christian D. Larson

Somedays, it is hard to stay positive, to remain optimistic when it feels like others, and the world want you to fail.  But, those are only just thoughts. We have control over everything, as long as we hold onto the optimism in our own mind we can create our own life. We have the power over our own success or failure. The decision is ours.  

It goes too fast

My favorite memories of all vacations involve very little.  Usually a few meager items: bucket and shovel, towel, book, camera and a few snacks.  I have always enjoyed our family vacations to Michigan.  But, now that I have Brayden, the experience is completely different.  It isn't just about relaxing and building sand castles - we are building memories.  I snap as many pictures as I can, fearful that Brayden is still too young to remember these moments.    I can still hear it, the lingering laughter from the fun of that day.  I can still feel it.  I will live forever in those moments.  

I caught myself in the middle of this day doing two things that I haven't had the opportunity to do in a very long time.  I read a book.  A really great one.  I am going to blog about it ; )  And, I wore a bikini.  Both of which, I experienced guilt about.  A bikini isn't as becoming on me as it was prepregnancy (pre sixty pounds of skin stretching).  I realized as I was absolutely relaxing reading my book - that there were lots of kids running around.  Big kids.  Teenagers.  Mom's and Dad's were relaxing reading their books and magazines.  

John and Brayden were laughing so loud sitting amongst the waves I could practically hear their laughter over the crashing.  I realized, the day will come when I can read a book on the beach, but this isn't that day.   I decided to put down my book and join them, bikini and all.  

I was amazed at the on-lookers.  They too were reliving the moments from their little ones - watching us was taking them back in time.  They laughed right along with us as Brayden and I laughed and chased each other around the beach; running in and through the oncoming waves.  I saw Mom's in beach chairs, with teenage daughters sitting at their side.  It was evidence of the evolution of a relationship.   More than mom and daughter, but mom and friend.  There was another lady that was alone.  I guessed she was in her late 50's.  She stood and watched us for a long time.  Just stood there and smiled.  I can only imagine her feelings.  I could almost hear her thoughts.  She was silently telling me to hold onto this.  Hold onto him.  Don't let him grow.  Appreciate everything - It goes too fast.  She was telling me that she is evidence of time going too fast.  

Before long, I will be the 50's+ lady in the one piece suit and big brimmed sun hat watching another young mother chase her little man, her pride and joy - and I will be silently telling her, don't let him grow - it goes too fast.  

I was having a blast with Brayden, completely forgetting about the bikini discomforts through the laughing and playing.  I loved the onlookers too.   They were as much part of the experience, we all shared in the laughter.  Through their constant gaze and smiles was the reminder to me to be present in this day.

And what a day it was :)   

Different, but the same

One of my favorite things to do on vacation is look for shells, rocks, and anything else that has been moved from the ocean floor and has made its way to rest along the shoreline.  I sometimes feel silly looking and searching - it's what kids do, right?  Well, group me in with the littles - because I love it.  

I think me and the littles love it differently.  They love the beauty. Children are so perfect they see all of the rocks and shells as beautiful.  That's what makes watching the kids search and hunt so peaceful.  We experience the glory along side them of their new found treasure, in the beauty of their find.  I like all of the pretty ones too, but I really love to look at how they have changed.  I imagine what they looked like before they tumbled along, pushed by the waves.  

I found a piece of glass while searching with Brayden for some heart shaped rocks.  But, it wasn't the sharp peice of broken glass as it started out as.  It was softer, and smoother around the edges.  It was different and changed, but beautiful all the same.  I am sure it faced some tough tides along the journey. 

This journey, this life comes with strong winds and tough tides.  Some days are hard to weather.  Some days it is hard to roll with waves. I keep replaying the sound of the crashing waves in my mind - trying to find calm among the turbulence.  I keep in mind that one of these days, I will make it to the shore.  I will be changed, and smoother around the edges.   Different, but the same - something beautiful will remain.

The Resort

I went on vacation.  It was perfect, well - as perfect as it can be with an almost 3 year old.  I don't think I can even convey how wonderful it felt to get away, I am sure most of you can relate to that feeling - just saying the word 'vacation' gives, I am sure, almost anyone warm fuzzy feelings.  This vacation put me totally behind in work - but, it was worth it.  And, it left me longing for another get away, sooner rather than later.  My 30th birthday is just around the corner...  sounds like a great excuse for a little leave.  

Our journey is going to be divided into 4 separate posts - because, we did so much - and I took over two thousand pictures!  I can't possibly put them all into one post.  

Vacation Post #1: The Resort

I can honestly say, I have not stayed in many nice hotels.  I am cheap, and it has never been that important to me.  While researching, I looked at some condos but wasn't totally sure on location and what the area would be like.  I stumbled onto this beautiful resort, and my gut said 'book it'.  So, I did.  And, I have to say - I couldn't have been happier there. We stayed at Charleston Harbor Resort and Marina.  As soon as we pulled up I was thinking, I don't know if we belong here...  this place is fancy!  Throughout our 5 day stay it was wonderful.  The area was quiet.  The staff was beyond courteous ( I have a few good stories to prove that - see below).  It was just a ferry ride into down town Charleston or a quick 5 minute drive over the bridge.   

The weather was beautiful - a few rainy hours but the sun had no problem taking care of us most of the time.  And the nights - they were perfect.  Check out the pictures below - and a few short stories that accompany them. 

Resort:

I called on our drive to ask for an upgraded room.  We decided that after Brayden was asleep that it would be relaxing to sit out on a balcony and listen to the waves and quiet.  When I called, I explained to the Customer Service lady the reason for my request.  She said, "I understand.  Don't worry about the extra cost, this is a complimentary upgrade."  And, the view was incredible!

 Harbor:

 Pier:

This night on the pier was not our intended plans for the evening.  We were going to drive into Charleston and eat some delicious seafood.  However, our plans were changed when we got to the car, got seat belted in, and then...  the car wouldn't start.  Sigh.  "Well," I said to John, "You can fix it now, or fix it tomorrow.  Either way, B and I will be at the beach."  So, he tried to get a jump with no avail - the battery was dead, completely.  He decided to tackle getting a new battery the next morning and he joined us on the beach for an evening of crab searching.  It was a change in plans - but, I wasn't complaining.  

John had a heck of a time getting the car running.  Asking for many favors from the maintenance staff, from attempting to jump the car, twice - to borrowing their tools.  They were a blessing and helped when it wasn't required of them.

 Lessons on sand:

No matter how many times parents say "Don't throw sand", kids don't listen.  After pleading several times to stop, and he still didn't listen, I sat back and let him learn for himself :)  

 A few of my favorites:

...more tomorrow! ;)

living my fairy tale

I think I keep repeating myself...  I AM SO BUSY!!  I am smiling though, most of the time ;) 

I feel like my mind is so cluttered with a world wind of thoughts, ideas, and of course, worry.  I have so many exciting happenings coming up that I can hardly contain myself:

• We have two weddings coming up.  Our real 'firsts' with Life, Love & Lemons!  The excitement is unexplainable (mixed with some nervousness too).  I am researching constantly - making sure I don't miss a thing.  I want every detail covered.  
• I am behind in some marketing and even further behind on my furniture painting.  A long to do list, that grows daily. 
• I have been investigating a studio.  That just about takes my breath away with anticipation (mixed with some nervousness too).  I dream about what it will look like - how to set it up and how to stay ontop of everyday life, without being consumed by something that is more than a business, but a passion.  
• I have session bookings through October - that keeps me smiling - and gives me an excuse to shop for new props!!  I love that! I still have available slots!  Book your sessions today! ;)

During my daydreaming - these are the many things I am obsessing about.  Quietly cultivating an action plan for my growing dream.  I have  scattered thoughts of needed grocery items, laundry that needs to be done, ... and how badly my floors need to be vacuumed.  

And then there is Brayden, my little guy. With his big brown eyes and his new favorite phrase, "I want to snuggle Mama!"  All of the planning, coordinating, organizing, detailing - stops.  We color and pick books to read, he LOVES reading books.  And, I love reading to him.  His laughter and silliness calms my mind, and melts my heart.  

I have to continue reminding myself that all of this, all of the aspirations I have will happen, and I will make sure of it. But, I can't loose site of the really important stuff - snuggling and reading.  Someday, to soon, Brayden will have bigger dreams then just 'snuggling mama'.  I forget in the day to day while planning my next move that I am in the middle of the best part of my life, being Brayden's Mom.

"Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale" -unknown

taking deeper roots {living and learning}

I have tried to map out my life.  every detail.  If there is one thing I have learned, life doesn't work that way.  It doesn't go 'as planned'.  I am learning to be ok with that.  I get down on myself when things get off course. 

The past 2 days I needed some escape, some relaxation.  I needed to do something to get me out of my own head - even if it is just for a few hours.  So, I went for the comforts of my childhood home.  That is always my safe place.  I can go there and do absolutely nothing except watch Brayden play and laugh and it does the trick.  It lifts me from my slump.  

I made a few observations during my visit.  

We have had a few storms here in the Midwest - but, very little rain.  We need rain.  Bad.  The wind storm shook the trees, and left a lot of fruit on the ground.  So, we picked up buckets full of fallen apples and pears that couldn't hold on.   It made me sad.  There was a lot of fruit that would have been delicious, had it been given some more nurturing, but it didn't work out that way.  I picked a few pears off the ground.  A few bruises, but still had potential.  I thought maybe a few days on the window sill, some extra nurturing from the sun, and they just might make it.  Those pears made me think of my dreams and plans for the future.  They get shaken up by the storm, by multiple storms.  Some fall away and have to be tossed.  Then, there are some that may be bruised - but, with some nurturing can still make it.  And yet, there are those that no matter how bad the storm, how strong the wind - they cling on.  They hold strong.  Determined to come to fruition. 

Looking around at the very dry ground - and walking ontop of crispy brown grass, It is hard to see how the damages from mother nature can ever be repaired.  Corn and soybeans are my families livelihood - the drought is hard to stomach.  But, the corn is growing.  Soybeans are growing.  They are determined.  They are resilient.    As too, are my parents.  They have (unfortunately) been down this road a few other times.  I can still recall the drought of '88.  I was only 5, but I remember running my fingers along the cracks of the hard, dry ground.  Not really knowing the magnitude of the hurt, but feeling that it wasn't good.  Best of all, I remember dancing in the rain when mother nature finally decided we had waited long enough.  That's life.  Through the storms, through the wind and rain (or lack of rain) we all learn how to stand our ground and hold tight.  As you look around, it is easy to see we aren't alone in it.  The corn, the beans, the apples, and pears - they are not alone, they share the trouble with those around them - and they weather it; together.

"Storms make trees take deeper roots" - Dolly Parton

Here are some (cell ) pictures from our relaxing evening.

The stare down

The difference between adults and kids:

We see a hose with a hole; kids see opportunity for fun!

4th of July

Here are a few quick pics of the family from the 4th of July! 

How was your 4th? :)

Baptism

Two weeks ago tomorrow, I finally got Brayden baptised.  Typically, this happens within weeks, or months of a baby's birth.  However, I knew that I would have trouble getting Brayden baptised when I was not really 'practicing'.  But, I believe in the purpose of baptism.  However, what I didn't know were some of the other identifying purposes.  In the past I was annoyed that I was going to have to take a class about getting my child baptised.  I spent 12 years in Sunday school, what could I learn that I didn't already know? And, the Priest went through all of the symbolism with me.  What I didn't know was what this sacrament represented.  Having the Priest educate me on 'why' was really important.  It was something I didn't know - nor would I have gotten had it been taught to me when I was younger.  He said, Baptism is a commitment to God, and to a faith family (those I knew), but it is your identity.  It is who you are - just as your genes are passed down through genetics, your faith is as well.  Wow, I get it.  I now get that when I was struggling with my religion, I would have never entertained the idea of converting.  ever.  I hear that from a lot of Catholics.  It is because it is who we are.  It is part of our identity.  Just as much as I am Norwegian and Republican - I am too, a Catholic.  Those are descriptive titles I would use to describe 'who' I am.

I love when I have those "ah-ha" moments. 

I believe all religions have their own interpretations and Catholics are the same way.  We interpret the Bible in a way that makes us Catholic, just as others do for their own religions.  At this point in my life, I feel it is necessary to have this relationship with God, and with a church.  I am learning so much now, because I have had life experience to help me really learn.  Not only that, I have a great Priest.  To me, that is why I go.  I go to learn.  I go to pray.  I go to pass that on to Brayden.  

The ceremony was a really nice.  Prior to the start, Father Hougan explained the Baptism to Brayden - all of the "what's and why's" on what he was going to do - that was really wonderful.  Here are a few pictures, taken by the wonderful Chris Bland!

Great Men {4th of July reflection}

The 4th of July is a great way to reflct on the men and women who paved the road for all of us.  We have many, many freedoms of this country.  At the end of a festive day, I think about that during the fireworks.  I think about how fortunate I am to live here.  It is far from perfect, but I am blessed in the life I have and, that life wouldn't be possible in many other places in the world. 

The 4th of July also makes me reflect back to 1997.  It was the night my Grandpa died.  I still remember it like it was yesterday.  It still makes me sad.  I cried through the fireworks that year and I still struggle to get through them every year.  15 years ago, my Dad, Mom, and oldest brother left our celebration to go be with my Grandpa, better known as 'Pa'.  And I knew during those moments, that Pa would no longer be around.  It made me angry for all of the missed opportunities.  I should have listened longer.  Spent more time with him.  He had great stories.  He had a smile that would light up a room.  He was a joker - he was always able to make people feel comfortable.  He was a great man, no doubt about it.  And, I would bet that anyone that spent time with him would agree.  He and my Grandma raised 8 great kids on a Farmers pay.  They were married just shy of 51 years.  My Grandma has been without him for 15 years - I can't even imagin what that must be like, starting over with out that person who has been there forever.  It is sad to think about the loss of him, but it is also a blessing to reflect on how blessed we are to have known him.  Grandpa was the youngest of 16.  He and his siblings were raised in North Dakota during the Great Depression.  The way of life they experienced, it is impossible to even comprehend today.  Grandpa was not hardened by what he lived through, instead he flourished because of it.  His intentional life is still carried on through all of us, in our smile, in our laugh, in our Norwegian heritage.  Our last name, Gudmunson, is part of many conversations.  By strangers who ask where it came from and by those who have lived here all of their life an know the name well - because Pa has always served it well. 

Here is a video of Pa and I.  I had a 'cracked' leg when I was 3.  Pa loved to tease me about it - even when I was a teenager, he would joke with me about my broken leg.  I was always quick to correct him, "It's cracked!" 

I always tell people of the little sign Pa had hanging on his back door - it was there for as long as I can remember - and I always get a good laugh from those who I share it with.

"You can always tell a Norweigain, but you can't tell 'em much"

Happy 4th of July Pa - you are loved, and missed.  

take a back road

Growing up in a small town has both advantages and disadvantages.  One of my favorites is the security and peacefulness of being in the middle of no where, only corn and soybean fields as far as the eye can see.  In the winter it looks a little barren, but come spring, summer, and fall - it is bountiful and beautiful.

Along these back roads, there are a lot of stories - I am sure many of us could share ;) A lot of memories were made with friends.  They are frozen in time for us to go back and visit when we need a break from reality - and growing up.

We lived out in the country on a farm and Dad would like any excuse to go check out the crops or visit my Aunt and Uncle just down the gravel road.  While B and I were visiting the other day, Dad said, "lets go for a walk" - a common phrase heard often and met with some resistance as a pre-teen and teenager.  But, usually after a few minutes of walking - I enjoyed the time, of course I never wanted to admit while hanging out walk with the old folks that I was enjoying myself.  But, life changes you - it makes those small insignificant moments, significant - thankfully.   So, Me, B, Mom, Dad, and Aunt Zie all went for a stroll down the gravel road.  It made my heart smile.  I reminisced about my childhood and all of the fond memories walking with my family on many warm summer nights.  Brayden loved it :) He got some lessons on nature.  Grandma taught him about clovers - and how to pull them apart and suck the sweet out of the end.  He walked in Grandpa's corn field to measure the growth of the corn.  He ran and played and laughed - just as little boys should do.  No rules except 'don't wander too far'.  

  

To me, those moments define a childhood. It's how it should be.  Taking a back road in this small town, on a warm summer night with family and laughing - picking clovers, checking corn, and looking for bugs.

It doesn't get better than that.  

"Why???"

I know every parent experiences this phase of life as their children are growing up.  Every word in a 2/ 3 year olds vocabulary totally disappears and it is replaced with only one "why"?  I have had to explain more random rhymes and reasons then I really even know.  Don't get me wrong, I love an inquisitive mind - and, I am much like that still.  I need to know why and how for me to really learn.  So, I welcome the "why" - but I think there should be a cap.  A maximum of 5,...  or maybe less...  ;)

B and I are observers.  I point out everything with enthusiasm - and he will react with enthusiasm.  Bugs, birds, squirrels, dogs, clouds, sun, moon, tree, train, big truck...  ect.  He usually points and echoes me.  But now, it is "Why?".  Everything - is "why?"  Even after the explanation I give, he obviously doesn't think it is sufficient because that is followed up with yet another, "why?"

Example:

Mommy: "Look B, a train!"  

B: "Why?"  Mommy: "It is going home for the day."  

B: "Why?"  Mommy:  "Because they are all done working so they are going home."  

B: "Why?" Mommy: "Because that is how they go to work and go home from work, just like Dadda.  Dadda rides the train."

B: "Why?" Mommy: "It is transportation - can you say that?" B: "tan-postation.  Why?"  

Mommy: "Transportation is how we get from one place to another.  We ride in the stroller, in Mommy's car, on a bus, truck, airplane, and train - they are all examples of transportation."

B: "Why?"  

Mommy: "Look a squirrel!"  B: "Why?"

....  I give up....  

It is his response to everything!  We are working on potty training so we are discussing the difference between boys and girls...  oh geez.  That is fun to have "why" after every explanation about the gender difference....  Can you imagine?  

Even now when I tell him "No" to something or tell him it is time for a bath, or to put on his shoes on,  or wipe his face - "why?".  

It's a good thing he is so cute! ;)

Painfully Aching... {finding calm along the shore line}

I have this dream of living by the beach someday, sooner rather than later...  but I would take later over never.  

I see everyone going on vacation and some of the photographers I follow have been posting photo sessions from the beach.  Uh, I painfully ache to be there.  There is a calm that comes over me.  My worries rush away with the waves leaving the shore.  The vastness of the ocean makes me feel small, and makes my worries seem like nothing.  So, now starts my beach fund - I should have planned ahead and started it this winter but, that's ok.  I will start now - and I can be very frugal.  Our vacation doesn't have to be elaborate - just Me, B and the ocean.  

The Outer Banks is where Brayden put his toes in the sand for the first time, at about 8 months old.  Most mornings, He would wake up early so I seized the opportunity.  We wandered outside and watched the sunrise and played in the sand while most of the world slept, missing the beauty that we were experiencing.  Brayden doesn't remember that, but I want him to experience that beauty and that calm of the ocean.  I want us to pick a new place along the ocean to visit every year.  Some where new with different people, store fronts, and restaurants - but the same big ocean.  He is at such a fun age - I know he and I would have a blast.  I give it about 10 more years (if I am lucky) that he will still like to hang out with me.  Come those teenage years, he will think I am totally lame and will be embarrassed to be seen with me.  So, I need to take advantage now.  Soak up the fun before this time is gone.

So the saving and searching begins for our calm along the shore line.  

Any recommendations?  Where are you traveling this summer?  

Happy Friday!  Have a fabulous weekend!

Friendly Blessings

I had the best date last night :)  Brayden got to come with.  We shared pizza and stories - it was comforting to have someone to relate with.  Laugh with.  And make future plans with.  

This date was not with a guy - It was with a fellow single mom.  I heard my story - but it was coming out of her mouth.  It was so much like mine.  Our kids got to play and we got to laugh.  We shared stories about how we got here, and how happy we are.  We laughed about dating, ... actually the lack of dating. We smiled as we joked about the exhaustion that comes along with doing this 'on our own' - even with the support of our family.  We were understanding of the constant interruptions by our children's bathroom trips, tantrums, and bumps.  We acknowledged the time and the need  to rush off for baths and bedtime, even though we could have kept talking about our endless stories that have lead us here and plans for the future.  

It's funny.  I forget that there are other people that have the same stories.  I get so wrapped up in my little world that I don't always recognize those with similar situations.  I am so focused on getting through the day that I don't always make the time to connect with others.  I really didn't know what I was missing.  But today, even through my exhaustion of dealing with a 2 year old that just does not want to let me sleep through the night, I am in a great mood because I feel less alone.  Not lonely - that isn't the same.  I feel that I have another person with the same story.  She Gets It.  I know there are a lot of single moms, I just didn't have any in my life.  But, now I do - and I am so thankful for my friendly blessing.  

Lift you higher {learning while living}

I made a commitment to myself this year.  I disassociate with those who are negative, at least to the best of my ability.  Some people are in our lives without say.  It is how you choose to let them influence, or more importantly, the lack of influence that matters.  I have also determined that I set a standard for myself.  This standard always existed but I didn't live it.  This new focus was fueled by a quote I found on pinterest - and, no matter what form I see it in - I pin it.  It is profound, but so incredibly simple (the best ideas usually are).  

"Surround yourself with only those who are going to lift you higher" ~Oprah~

I think I remember seeing that show.  I can recall the magnitude of that statement.  Because, even 10 years ago when I heard it originally, that is what I wanted for myself - but, I didn't follow through.  I surrounded myself with those who I thought I could lift higher.  I could help.  I could make them better by helping them see their own value.  However, I am learning that I was brought down by focusing on trying to lift them up.  It wasn't their fault.  It was mine.   I focused so much on pleasing others that I lost myself in the process.  This ends now.  An incredible amount of growth comes from self intraspection and reflection.  To be honest - my gut always knew - but, I listened to my heart, which is too big at times.  This didn't mean that I got hurt - it usually meant others got hurt.  I would realize that I was living a life other than what I wanted for myself and I would back out.  Not because I didn't care, but because at some point I listened to my gut.  My gut is usually right.  

I promised myself this year, no more compromising.  No more giving more to others than I give to myself - with the obvious exception of Brayden - but that is a given, it goes without saying.  Healthy parents put their children first.  

I have met some really incredible people.  Actually, there are a few who helped encourage me to realize this goal before I completely absorbed the impact of that way of life.  And the many who support me, they don't realize the amount of influence they have had on me.  They do it by lifting me higher.  They do it through encouragement and support. They are the arms that push me when I doubt myself.  And, they point out how I can do better.  Not because they are critical but because they know I can, and will. 

This year, I do this for me.  And ultimately, I do this for Brayden.  I will be the example of a strong, confident, loving women.  The type of qualities I want for him - and the qualities I want him to seek out in a partner someday.  It is also interesting, the more you surround yourself with these people - you also become that same type.  People will surround themselves with you because you lift them.  Can you imagine a world that always did this?  What a great place that would be.  

So for now, make your own little world of people who raise you up and lift you a little bit higher.  And, be that influence on others that makes them want to surrounds themselves with you.  

Happy Friday and Have a wonderful weekend!

Morning Walk {bottling up the sweetness}

Brayden goes to daycare just down the street from where we live and  where I work.  Now that the weather is beautiful we have been enjoying brisk morning walks to school.  After I drop him off, I smile all the way to work, laughing about the conversations we have.  

Every morning we look for squirrels.  I say to him,"Brayden, do you see any squirrels?" He replies,"Nope!"   I ask, "Do you think they are still sleeping?"...  and his beautiful response,"Yup.  They snuggle with their Mama!"...  I love that kid! I want to bottle up that sweetness and keep it forever. 

It is a great way to start my day.  After the rushing to get ready in the morning we get that downtime on a 12 minute walk to school.  We get to discuss trains and trucks, squirrels and birds, rocks and sticks.  It is beautiful - I really cherish that time.  It usually means that I am going to walk into work a few minutes late but it doesn't bother me too much.  I walk in late but with a smile.  I get 12 extra minutes with B and 12 minutes of reflection time on my walk back (and a little exercise too)!  It's a win-win-win! 

 I have been a little MIA on the blog and photography.  I have had some ADORABLE photo sessions - but, I can't post them until after Father's Day - the images are TOP SECRET! It is killing me...  seriously.  All of the cuteness is hidden away... and it feels so wrong!  But, it will be worth it for the Dad's that will be getting the top secret surprise! 

This is a beautiful time of year to do family photos!  Schedule yours today!  Contact me for available dates and pricing!

all great changes

I feel as though I am receiving signs, direction on what to do.  They could all be coincidental, but it feels like the same message is being pounded into my head.  The message all comes down to one grand purpose; Release and go be great.  

The past couple of Sundays at church have been really wonderful.  I haven't had the opportunity to write about them because I have been so busy editing and posting photo sessions - Yippie!  Last week was about the loving relationship we have with God.  He related it to being in love.  At first, I thought that was weird.  But, he continued talking and it really made more sense the longer I listened.  He alikened the message to how someone feels when you first fall in love.  That feeling makes life lighter, brighter, happier.  The relationship I have with God should make my everyday better (cue light bulb).  I think of those who are much more 'Godly' than I ...  and, they are living proof.  They are happier.  Is it because they put their trust in the Lord?  Is it because they feel their weight is shared?  Or is it because they never feel that they have to go one day or one moment without knowing they are loved?  I don't know.  But, I am working on finding out.  

A few other bloggers / writers I follow both had similar topics one day.  SDL had a great article titled "The Life You Exchange" - great title!  He started with a quote from Henry David Thoreau, “the price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”  Just that quote alone was all I needed to read for it to hit home.  I am getting a lot better at this - I actually think it should be my new motto.  I am trying to only participate in actions that make me better, and happier.  That seems to be common sense, but how often do you compromise yourself for someone else or for a task you dislike?  Little by little it breaks down the person you actually are.   I am no expert...  FAR FROM IT.  I see Life as full of interactions with people in  the form of relationships, be it family, friends, spouses, children, coworkers, strangers, ect.  These interactions all work better with constructive communication.  Share your feelings.  Share your desires and your dislikes.   It serves everybody best if we are honest and true to ourselves. In the long run, everybody wins that way.  

Then there is Marc and Angel - I love them.  I love their inspiration.  Every article of theirs I benefit from reading.  The one I read just the other day, 10 things You Must Give Up to be Successful was a great short list of ideas that make you think.  They are habits that sadly, I catch myself doing, or have done for far, far too long.  I am starting.  I recognize areas in my life where I need to be better.  I think that is important.  Maybe that is just part of adulthood.  I am learning about being healthy - physically, spiritually, mentally, financially.  Young and reckless was so much more fun! - until it comes back to bite me right in the keaster! 

Somehow I stumbled on Becoming Minimalist.  Start Big. Start Small. Start Somewhere. Change is uncomfortable.  I get to deal with that everyday in my 9-5 job.  Helping a company grow and change to achieve a desired result.  It's personal - always.  Be it at the office or at home - it is personal.  I pride myself on 'doing'.  I have always been this way.  I do.  I act.  I have gotten bit or hit - It doesn't matter how I say it.  What it comes down to is I have screwed up.  But, I get back up and do it again, hopefully differently, the next time around.  I am working on applying that to many aspects of my life.  I start too many things and then I don't follow through - like exercising and eating right.  I have never mastered the discipline to do that.  Reading - I love to do it but it always falls down the list of improtance.  My downfall isn't in the starting but, in the finishing.  

I have once again been thrusted into a new series of changes - some of them are great and have turned out as a true blessing - and the others, well - I don't see them as blessings yet, but I am sure it will all work out, in some way or fashion.  Challenges and changes are really just opportunities for growth, no matter how uncomfortable the initial interaction is - I am trying to meet them with an optimistic smile (that is preceded potentially by swearing and crying).  

...Here's to great changes, and welcoming opportunities ;)

Living for Today

"Life is not a race - but indeed a journey. Be Honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you", "I love you", and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental - search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself - plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, enjoy the moment." ~Bonnie L. Mohr

A FB friend posted this as her status.  I really needed the reminder today.  This morning started as one of those... you know the type; As soon as your eyes see daylight (or before) that today would challenge you.  Nothing extraordinary - but the little things pick away just enough to make you glum.  Brayden woke up especially cranky and devastated by my "No" response to his request for a cookie.  We do this every morning...  and every morning I tell him the same thing  "we don't have cookies for breakfast."  The question makes me smile, but his tantrum does not.  I ignored the screaming while I was in the shower, and he eventually stopped.  He wanted cereal for breakfast but cried when I poured milk over it.  He didn't want to change is shirt or have his face wiped or his hair combed.  Nothing about this morning was going right for either of us.  But, I read the quote right after I dropped B off - It was there waiting for me this morning to read, not by accident I am sure. 

It's interesting the sentences that stand out.  Each person that reads it will take away something that another person did not.  The weight of the importance is varied on where you are, not physically but emotionally and mentally.  For me, the heavy parts are:

"Be Honest. Work hard. Be choosy."

I am working my butt off, but I am staying true to me - even more so, in working so hard I am learning more about myself than I ever knew.  And I am learning to be choosy - in many aspects. 

"Go to church, take time for prayer."

I love that I am reconnecting with God, and church - So does my Mom!  I am learning a lot too.  Every Sunday I walk out the doors intrigued and more appreciative of the growth I am experiencing. I am teaching Brayden how to pray - we are starting simple.  "God loves you."

'Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental - search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be.'

It is Not Accidental :) Everything that has happened has lead me here - and here is exactly where I am supposed to be. 

"Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming."

I am a HUGE ball of worry...  non stop and about eveything...  I think I am aging myself quickly.  I need to work on how to let it go.  I smile when I hear the song from the Zac Brown Band "be a fool, not a worry..." I make a mental note each time.

"Forgive, it frees the soul."

Forgive.  That is really hard.  I have let people and their actions bother me for far too long.  I am working on letting it go - and letting them go too.  I pray for them and for the strength to move on.  I know I will feel better when I do.  I actually say it out loud.  I look in the mirror and take a deep breath, releasing the anger.  They are missing out by not being in my life.  I pray that they go where God has intended them too - and that they will see clarity someday.  And if not, it isn't my weight to carry. 

Everyday we have the opportunity to make a conscious decision; to make today the best day.  Make today (and everyday) yours!

The Road Ahead

"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.  I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.  Its gone be a bright sun-shiny day".  

I was celebrating myself last night.  No one knew - but if you would have seen me cooking dinner and dancing around the kitchen, it would have been a good indication that things were going right!  Not because I was dancing (that's normal), but because I was cooking...  The kitchen hates me.  I was happy because I have sold several pieces of my painted furniture! - and, one person even ordered some additional pieces to be done.  Oh me, oh my!  AND (yes, it gets better) I have on average 1 photo session a weekend.  That is HUGE!  People are finding me, through referrals and FB.  It feels SO GOOD!  And the best part, the clients are loving their pictures - which is the most important.  

I am beaming!  :)

The month of May has been good to me!  It has been a long 10 months - I have been working none stop.  Investing money and time in myself.  That is hard to do - Biting the bullet. Taking a leap of faith.  Putting all of my eggs in one basket.  I have spent endless hours researching, learning, shopping (that's the fun part) editing, organizing, painting...  and not sleeping :)

That also means that my clients have taken a leap of faith on me as well.  :) This summer is off to a great start - I hope that is a good indication of where this road is headed.   It's funny, driving down the road in a car packed full of upcoming projects and props for my photo session, and I look in the rear view mirror and I see 2 very important images that keep me moving forward; Brayden singing along with me to our favorite songs and the road behind in the far distance.  All I do is smile - loving the road I'm on! 

I am super excited for this weekend - 2 very cool sessions...  One involving an adorable family and an awesome Victorian Couch and a Mommy / Daughter Session - With Horses!!!  Stay tuned next week! Also, Check out the newly updated Home page and Gallery!  Lots of new faces!!  Don't forget to book your Father's Day Special Session!